House of Cards is back! Some things happen. Some things don’t happen. These are the questions you’ll inevitably ask while watching season 3…well, at least, these are the questions I inevitably asked while watching season 3.
1. Does Claire have Justin Bieber hair now?
2. Why does Lars Mikkelsen play the grossest characters?
3. What’s Mickey Doyle doing on House of Cards?
4. And why is the Ice Truck Killer in this season, too? Oh, brother.
5. Why is every room gray?
6. Is my computer swathed in darkness, or is House of Cards‘ brightness level off?
7. Why bother with any sex scene if it doesn’t involve Meechum?
8. Um, does anyone know what a Solicitor General is/does?
9. Why does Mendoza vanish for no good reason?
10. Where does Remy’s random anxiety accent come from?
11. Isn’t jealous Meechum the best?
12. Who would ever believe America Works could be a legitimate thing, especially coming from a Democrat?
13. Am I the only one who watches this darn show for the homoerotic sexual tension?
14. Can I read the illustrious Scorpio somewhere since everyone is talking about it?
15. Will the Rachel Posner storyline ever be interesting?
16. Why can’t we get another Meechsome?
17. Who is Claire Underwood without Frank?
18. Who is Frank Underwood without Claire?
19. What’s Meechum going to do during the annual hiatus?
20. Is House of Cards…boring?
‘Til next February! Let’s keep our expectations lower this time around because remember “You are entitled to nothing.”